


Bedroom Banter

by Vampyra142001



Series: Blue Love [2]
Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Alien Genitals, Alien Sex, Aliens, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, F/M, M/M, Multi, Not Beta Read, Oral Sex, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-07
Updated: 2011-10-07
Packaged: 2021-01-04 01:14:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21189110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampyra142001/pseuds/Vampyra142001
Summary: Post-movie. Picks up exactly where Super Wardrobe Malfunctions left off. Roxanne decides to let Megamind date Metro Man too... on one condition.





	Bedroom Banter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tripperfunster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tripperfunster/gifts).

Bedroom Banter

By Kelli Dalton

Summary: Post-movie. Picks up exactly where Super Wardrobe Malfunctions left off. Roxanne decides to let Megamind date Metro Man too... on one condition.  
Pairings: Megamind/Metro Man/Roxanne  
Warnings: Aliens (duh), alien genitals, threesome, F/M/M, explicit sex, un-beta’d (feel free to point out mistakes nicely)  
Rating: NC-17

Dedicated to Tripperfunster.  
Mostly told from Roxanne's point-of-view, but bounces to Megamind's a couple times. Tell me if the switches aren't clear and I'll add dummy notes.

"He definitely isn't going to die a virgin," stated Megamind smugly.

Roxanne's mouth opened and closed wordlessly a few times before she found her voice. "You... He... I thought you said he was too big."

"He is. I topped."

The ex-villain tried to act like it was no big deal, but she could practically feel the waves of giddiness oozing off of him. Then again, he did sleep with the most powerful man in the universe and only now had the chance to talk about it, so a little giddiness was to be expected.

"Okay, wow, that's hot." She fanned herself, rolling images of them together through her head until a thought struck her.

"If you thought I was dating Wayne back then, why did you sleep with him?" Roxanne asked, eyes narrowing.

"It was during the four years you were away at that out of state college. Everyone assumed that you two had split up." He held his hands up defensively. "Virgin or not, I wouldn't have helped him cheat on you. I'm not that kind of guy."

She accepted his explanation with a smile and snuggled against his blue chest.

"The sex was pretty good, though."

The woman swatted him playfully. "You're supposed to say that I'm good enough to make you forget all about him."

"We agreed to no lies or secrets between us, Ms. Ritchie."

"Fine, but if there's no secrets you should tell me what's in Music Man's pants."

He shook his head at her persistence. "That's his secret, not mine."

Roxanne huffed in response.

* * *

There was more than one way to find the information she wanted, and that afternoon she decided to go through Megamind's battle recordings. Frustratingly, though, it seemed that in each video there was only a smooth curve between Metro Man's legs, with no real definition of anything.

Minion happened by with a basket of laundry and studied her for a moment.

"Ugh, I can't tell anything from these!" Roxanne vented, slapping her hands down on the control panel.

"Metro Man started wearing a dance belt after his encounter with Sir," mentioned the fish.

She startled at his voice. "Minion! How long have you been standing there?"

"Not long."

"So, what's a dance belt?" Roxanne frowned, trying to imagine what that could possibly be. It's definitely not anything she had ever heard of.

"It's this padded undergarment that's mostly worn by male ballerinas. It's supposed to hide things and hold them out of the way for exaggerated movements." He gestures vaguely south.

"Okay, how do you know about all that? It's not like Megamind would need one."

"Uh, it was just something I ran across when I first started designing Sir's costumes."

She could tell he was lying, or, at least, wasn't telling her everything. Roxanne leveled a disbelieving look at the fish.

He squirmed under her gaze. "I suggested it him," Minion admitted.

The reporter glanced at the monitors again. "Does Megamind have videos from before?"

"Yes, but he locked them away earlier today. He doesn't want to betray Mr. Scott's trust even by accident."

So the blue genius was two steps ahead of her, what a surprise, but why did he even bother?

"Why is this so important to him?"

"You are both very important to him and he doesn't want to disappoint either of you." Minion's phrasing seemed oddly particular.

"I still don't understand. He's not even really friends with Wayne yet."

Minion looked decidedly uncomfortable with how the conversation had turned. He blew out a deep breath, steeling himself to continue perhaps.

"Sir has spent a lot of time trying to impress the two of you as both a villain and a hero."

"For different reasons."

Like trying to prove he was better than Metro Man and showing off to the only citizen that didn't run screaming at the sight of him.

"No. You two are the smartest people he knows, are physically attractive, and can keep up with his childish antics," Minion listed off. "Oh, and you both have the only natural blue trait that your races can manage."

He tapped the glass of his dome at eye level to emphasize his point.

"Wait a minute. You're saying that Megamind likes both Wayne and I in a romantic way? Why hasn't he said anything?" demanded Roxanne.

"Well, it's not exactly an easy subject to broach. And he has been dropping hints."

She thought back to their earlier conversation and a few things clicked in her mind.

"You're right. And thanks, this really helped straighten things out."

Giving Minion's gorilla suit a quick hug, she grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

"Where are you going, Roxanne?" called the fish in a concerned voice.

"To talk to Music Man."

* * *

As soon as she was out of sight Minion twisted the watch on his wrist, leaving a very confused Megamind standing there with the basket of laundry under his arm.

"That wasn't quite what I had planned," stated the stunned hero.

The real Minion walked up and regarded his friend for a moment.

"Can I wash those now, Sir?"

* * *

"You're crazy, Roxie!" declared Wayne Scott as he paced across his music room in nothing but his robe.

"You're not denying that it's a good idea," Roxanne pointed out.

She was seated on Music Man's couch, watching him struggle with his thoughts.

"He's with you, not me. His preference is clear." At least the implication is that he is also still interested in Megamind.

"He disguised himself as Minion and pretty much spelled it out for me - Megamind wants us equally." She might not always be the most observant person, but she also isn't dense and he had slipped a couple times during their conversation.

"Yeah, equally, not together. Besides, it's not like you and I ever worked out."

Wayne had a point, but she wasn't going to back down.

"I'm willing to share, if you are."

"It's just not done," he argued, grasping at straws.

Roxanne gave him a thoroughly unimpressed look.

"And superheroes don't sleep with super villains, bad guys don't turn over a new leaf, and good girls don't sleep with aliens. Your point is what?"

"I... Just don't want to hurt you guys," Wayne admitted, his whole body sagging with that statement.

That was his big hang-up? As if she didn't know what he was capable of?

"Megamind seemed fair pretty well last time."

"We were careful and you are a lot more fragile than he is."

"Then it's a good thing I enjoy watching."

She briefly wondered if she became a reporter because she was a voyeur or vice versa.

Wayne cocked a skeptical brow at her, to which she just smiled mischievously.

"This is a bad idea, but you're not going to let it go, are you?" asked Music Man. There was a fragile note of hope in his voice, one she had no intention of crushing.

"Nope. And this is good idea for the greater bad of good," said Roxanne smoothly.

He glanced at her wrist, obviously checking for the disguise generator. She caught the look and laughed. And here she had thought that Metro Man would be able to see through such illusions, literally.

"A better tell is the eyes, only the disguise of him has the right eyes," she pointed out. If Megamind hadn't forgotten that during their previous conversation and hadn't gestured to Minion's face, she wouldn't have noticed that his eyes weren't orange-brown.

"Do I even want to know how you know that?"

She wrinkled her nose at him. Pervert.

"We haven't been together long enough to start role-playing, and I figured it out during the Titan thing."

Roxanne remembered Megamind's green eyes staring out of Metro Man's face and considered what blue eyes would look like surrounded by blue skin. No, too much.

"Okay. Okay, okay, okay. I just hope you know what you are doing," he breathed, running a hand through his hair.

She grinned triumphantly.

* * *

'We need to talk. Come to MMs' was all the text said and yet those two sentences filled Megamind with a mixture of excitement and dread as he flew the jet bike towards Music Man's hideout. Was Roxanne going to let him date Wayne? Was Metro Man against it? All he could be certain of was that 'we need to talk' meant SHE was going to talk and he was going to listen or she was going to start throwing things at him. And unlike most men, he had picked up that particular lesson rather quickly. So the small amount of trepidation the ex-villain felt was understandable as he landed in front of the old shool house and headed underground.

He had no more than opened the door to the main room, when he found himself standing in what was obviously Wayne's bedroom. Megamind flailed to catch his balance after such a sudden shift, while the room's other two occupants snickered at him. Admittedly, he'd only had it happen a few times prior, but he knew he'd been moved with super speed.

"Ugh, that gives me vertigo," complained Megamind once he had his feet firmly planted again.

"Nice of you to join us," Roxanne commented from her seat on a cream colored, wing-back chair.

"Not the grand entrance I was hoping for, but I suppose there's a certain flair to appearing out of nowhere." He struck a mild pose with his hands on his hips and his nose in the air for a second before dropping all pretenses. "So, what's going on?"

Green eyes flicked between the reporter and the musician. Music Man was lounged against the bed's headboard wearing his usual robe.

"Wayne and I have been talking and we decided to share you. As in, let you date us separately, but equally," said Roxanne.

"There's a catch," Metro Man added with a certain level of annoyance.

He gave his girlfriend a suspicious look as he considered what she could be demanding.

"I just want to watch the two of you together this time," the woman stated.

He was well aware that she preferred to watch, she'd asked him to masturbated for her more times than they'd actually had intercourse, but this was still a surprise. Then there was that last part...

"THIS time? As in, right now?" gasped Megamind. "That's moving a little fast, don't you think?"

Music Man shifted on the bed, causing his robe to gape a bit. Not that his broad chest was distracting at all.

"And are you aware that this is part of her plan to see your..." the blue man asked, waving a hand vaguely at Wayne's crotch.

"My tentacle? She mentioned that," said Metro Man.

Roxanne inhaled sharply at that admission, but refrained from speaking. Clearly, she still hadn't known what was in the more human appearing alien's pants.

Megamind watched as afore mentioned appendage slid between the edges of the robe and wrapped around a belt end, undoing the slip-knot. Heat pooled in his groin at the sight.

"You're sure about this?"

He wasn't even sure whether he was asking Wayne or Roxanne, but they both said yes at the same time.

* * *

At her and Music Man's confirmation the blue man began stripping off his clothes, though, her attention didn't stay on him. Far more interesting was the long taper of flesh moving lazily betwixt Wayne's legs. It certainly wasn't what she had been expecting, but she couldn't deny how hot she was getting as the tip of the tentacle curled around its base and began stroking. Hands-free masturbation... No wonder Megamind wanted him.

"How did you manage to stay away?" she asked, tearing her eyes from Metro Man's display to glance at her boyfriend.

Megamind looked up from peeling off the last bit of his outfit. "For starters, he never did THAT," he answered.

"A guy's gotta learn a few tricks to keep himself happy. It's not like any toys can withstand me," added Wayne as he finished shrugging out of his robe.

"It's a real pity you're so big. I can imagine how amazing that would feel inside me," Megamind purred, climbing onto the bed.

Both Roxanne and Music Man moaned at the thought.

As blue hands began to roam across tan skin, she decided it was far too warm for so many layers and pulled her blouse over her head. It was deposited to the floor along with her heels.

"I suppose I could do something about it, if you'd let me," mused the ever-thinking alien as he retrieved the conspicuously placed lubricant from the bedside table.

"You are not experimenting on me," Wayne stated firmly, his voice breaking slightly as lube was spread down his length.

Roxanne wondered how they could keep up an actual conversation in the middle of foreplay, until she remembered the comment that Metro Man could keep up banter longer than her.

"Oh, no. Nothing so EENtrusive. My disguise generator changes form, but not function. A scan of you naked and a few tweaks to the image would be all it would take."

"Really? Ah! But I'd st-still have my strength- Guh! I could still accidentally hurt you. Ooh..."

She shucked her skirt and bra, allowing her hands to caress her exposed skin.

"We might not be able to finish with you inside me, but it would be fun to try," admitted Megamind, working lube over his fingers.

Enraptured, Roxanne watched two blue digits slide easily into the musician, probing for his prostate or whatever equivalent was in there. Abruptly, her train of thought changed directions and she started snickering, which turned into giggling, then full-throated laughing. Both men froze, staring at her as though she'd lost her mind.

"Probing!" she managed to choke out.

Having been fully exposed to human culture, Wayne looked scandalized. Megamind, in his ignorance of such things, was just confused. She could only laugh harder at their opposite faces.

Still caught in her mirth, she missed the short conversation between the boys. Metro Man, no doubt, explaining the concept of sci-fi movie aliens. It was absurd, really. When she finally calmed down, she noticed that they had already moved on. Her last few chuckles died in her throat at the sight of Megamind thrusting into the larger man. They had scooted to the center of the bed so that Wayne could lie on his back with his hips held in the air.

"At the moment, there's only one naked disguise in my watch, but I don't think you would want it," the blue man continued.

"Your fish - Unf! Minion?"

It was astounding that they were STILL talking. If this was their normal, then some roleplayed sex could be very, VERY likely in the future, whether or not they knew it.

"Me."

"That might be fun to try sometime. Ah!"

"You're as bad as Roxanne."

She imagined what two Megaminds together would be like. The thought made her shudder and she finally let her hand slid into her panties. The woman hissed as her cool fingers found her hot core. Soft noises slipped from here as she stroked her clitoris, earning her the attention of both guys. They whispered back and forth for a minute before Megamind withdrew from Music Man and held his hand out to her.

"Would you like to join us?" inquired her boyfriend.

Metro Man rolled to his hands and knees, then patted the space in front of him. "I'll be careful, Roxie," the ex-hero promised.

At first, she couldn't figure out what they wanted, then it clicked - Wayne wanted to eat her out. She was up and shedding her underwear almost before she realize it. Strong hangs lifted Roxanne and set her on the bed. Music Man gave her a reassuring peck on the cheek, then lowered his face to her breasts. Every touch of his hands and mouth was tentative and excessively gentle. She knew it was a combination of inexperience and fear, but his feathery caresses were frustrating this late in the game.

"I'm not that delicate. I'll let you know when something's too much," she stated.

Her fingers wrapped around his, forcing his grip to tighten on her breast. After that he was a little firmer, but then again she hadn't really expected more. One large hand brushed along her thigh, asking for permission, which she instantly gave, spreading her legs. He pulled away from her chest so that he could pay attention to what his fingers were exploring.

"The little nub," suggested Megamind from behind Wayne.

There was a harsher edge to the thinner man's voice, but she knew he wasn't about to climax. He literally couldn't orgasm until his partner did.

Roxanne shouted and thrust her hips when Music Man stroked her clit.

"Oh, please!" she begged, tugging at his hair. She still wanted more.

Complacently, Wayne lowered his face to her crotch, drawing his tongue across her folds. She arched into him, moaning her enjoyment. Over Metro Man's curved back she could see Megamind smiling down at her, never faltering in his thrusts. The combination of the two proved to be too much, building her quickly to the screaming edge of oblivion and over it.

As her senses returned she became aware that one of the boys was trying to get her attention.

"Roxanne... Roxanne...," called Megamind insistently.

"Uhn?" she managed.

"You should probably scoot back a bit. Last time he turned a steel I-beam into tin foil when he cli-maxed."

She glanced down at Music Man. His head was bowed, one hand clutched the sheets, while the other stroked his length, and his entire body trembled. If she hadn't just came, that would've done it.

Heeding her boyfriend's warning, she forced her limp muscles to push her up to the headboard. A moment later Wayne let out a violent hiss of air between his clenched teeth and his seed loudly splattered the bedding. Megamind flinched as the larger man's body clamped down on him, before quietly orgasming as well.

"We are definitely doing this again," said Megamind gleefully as he crawled up beside the two of them.

Roxanne and Wayne just rolled their eyes at his enthusiasm. He gave them each a kiss on the mouth, then flopped down on the bed to sleep it off.

**Author's Note:**

> See? I didn't forget that I was supposed to be working on this. I had to rewrite the first third of this because it was too serious for the rest of the fic, so that didn't help the whole timing thing.
> 
> And, honestly, how many of you realized Megamind was Minion prior to him turning off the disguise generator?
> 
> Anyway, as I said before, this is for Tripperfunster for reeling me into the Megamind fandom with her Crab Nuggets comic. She is amazingly easy to please. I asked her what kind of story she'd like me to write for her - She suggested I go ahead and write the threesome I had already planned or one where Roxanne wants to watch the boys go at it. I had never mentioned that I was going to write Roxanne as a voyeurist and, yet, that's what Trip wanted. As I began writing the story I decided that I wanted to do something different with Metro Man's junk, something that I hadn't seen anyone else do yet. Which spurred a little scene in my mind-
> 
> Megz to Metz: "Hey, do that one thing." *Twirls finger in the air*  
Metz twists his dick into a corkscrew, before making it writhe.  
Cue Rox's abrupt nosebleed.
> 
> And as I put my pencil back to the paper I realized I hadn't asked Trip what she might want for the boys' equipment. When I did ask, she didn't say anything about Megz, but suggested that Metz have a 'big, prehensile tent-dick'. How the hell does she read minds from hundreds of miles away?
> 
> For the original post: https://megamind-movie.livejournal.com/1287912.html


End file.
